GILLIGAN!

Is a word no one under 25 has ever heard

I teach a stand-up comedy class (hold for applause). It’s college kids, it’s a lot of fun, and I’ve actually surprised myself about how teachable the subject is.

Sure, we do a little bit of history and stuff, but the bulk of the class is writing and performing. It’s a lot of fun, and it’s pretty cool to watch some of these kids go from “there is no way I can do this” to performing in front of 300 people and killing.

And they all almost killed me the other night.

See, one of the students was workshopping their material, and one of the major humorous points in an anecdote they were relating had to do with a man wearing a sailor’s cap.

It was funny, as it was, but I thought it could use a little more. Maybe bring in a quick aside, a “tag” as we call it in the biz, about The Skipper.

If you’re reading this, you don’t need an explainer as to who “The Skipper” is. A three hour tour. This ship set sail. You know the drill.

Everyone knows who “The Skipper” is. He’s The Skipper!

Alas.

When I brought this up, I got 20 blank stares.

“You know,” I said. “The Skipper.”

Nada.

“From ‘Gilligan’s Island!’”

That finally did it. Everyone said, “Oh, yes, ‘Gilligan’s Island.’ We love that show. It was a great show. Yes. Of course.”

Actually, that didn’t happen. Just more blank stares.

“HAS ANYONE HEARD OF GILLIGAN’S ISLAND?!?!?!?!?!” I screeched.

A few people half-nodded in vague agreement. It was not convincing.

And it was at this point I, once again, realized how old I am.

I started doing the math. Gilligan ran from 1964-1967. I was not yet born. I would watch it after school in the 1980s. We all did. Gilligan was … Gilligan. Ginger or Mary-Ann is a question I am still wrestling with today. Mr. and Mrs. Howell were so old! The Professor! And-

Wait. How old, exactly, were Mr. and Mrs. Howell? The actors who portrayed them were …

OH MY GOD YOU PROBABLY SHOULD NOT READ ANY FURTHER.

Jim Backus, who portrayed Thurston Howell III, was 51(!) when they filmed the pilot, and when the show went off the air, he was 54. He was actually much younger than Natalie Schafer, who played his wife Lovey. She was 63 when they filmed the pilot. Now I’m thinking Thurston married her for the money. Anyway, I AM OLDER THAN THURSTON HOWELL III.

For the record, Tina Louise was 30 and Dawn Wells was 26.

I need a nap.

Anyway, more math: It’s been 62 years since “Gilligan’s Island” premiered. When I was a senior in college -- 1995, or three years before the dinosaurs were wiped off the face of the Earth -- if you went back 62 years there WAS NO SUCH THING AS TELEVISION.

I’m sorry for all the yelling, but this is just too much to bear.

Kids today never heard of Gilligan, I’m older than Mr. Howell, and the show has been off the air longer than television existed before it. I am, essentially, a relic. A museum piece. I’m surprised my students don’t try to carbon date me.

So yeah. I teach a stand-up comedy class, and it’s going great, and the kids are funny, and I’m very proud of them. But if any of them are reading this: Please, I’m begging you, go watch Gilligan’s Island. Three seasons. It won’t take long.

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale.

Or don’t. I’ll be over here, napping with the Howells.